I have been been having flashbacks of the aspirations I have had in my life, from wanting to teach to setting up my own non-profit organisation in a less developed country to being a drama therapist amongst various fleeting interests, and where I am at now feels no where close to what my ideal life looks like. I cannot help wondering if this was due to missed opportunities, distractions, or simply a lack of assertiveness on my part to take a leap of faith and do what felt right even if it meant being different and vulnerable.
In recent years, I had repeated dreams of being chased, barked and closed to being bitten by dogs. The one time I actually braved myself to stand up to a rottweiler in my dream, I saw it run off and back again shortly with a whole herd. Last night, I dreamt I stood up to telling someone his actions were wrong and i ended up paranoid that he would come attack me out of revenge and so I carried a stick around with me just in case. It was pretty clear to me that I have certain beliefs and values I hold dearly, but I have also been afraid to voice up a minority opinion and restrained from making perhaps less favourable decisions.
How do I move forward with this inner conflict?